i don't have many secrets...but i have lots of things i just don't talk about much.
one of those things is that when i was a teeny baby my biological mother made the most likely very difficult choice to give me to another family to raise as their own. at times i've felt like a novelty, an outsider, a gift, a curse... and as much as i've tried to be thankful i've carried a lot of pain and as far as i've come in life i've yet been unable to face the pain of those who let me go.
i just watched an episode of The Locator that made me wonder...were the things that happened around the wedding, the feelings of rejection that i am trying so hard to process...was that some kind of karmaic punishment for not seeking out my biological family, not finding out 'my story' before 'the most important day of my life'?
i don't know why i put off 'the search'. sometimes i feel like i have to have enough to show for the sacrifices others made, and i'm never quite there yet. sometimes i'm just too afraid of what i might find. always that underlying sense of fear and skepticism invades my life but i just keep on digging, no matter how slowly, to find my own place, to find my own family.
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but i don't want to sound whiny. i love my life, i love my husband, and i totally love exploring the world together...
i never thought i'd be still just barely under 30 and love to go places like volant, pa for amish bulk food dip mix, gummi strawberry piggies, and photo ops like this:
that was the day we discovered the delicious joy of black cherry private label soda.
i'd post more pictures but they won't upload for some reason and i'm done trying for now. have a nice weekend everyone! stop by and see ej at 20th and penn tomorrow 9am-4pm -- this week we have some fresh one of a kind pottery shard pendants and a pile of new silver bracelets (and two new copper rings...grab 'em while u can!) if i stay up longer there might be a few new resin pendants finished up as well.
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